I AM NOT EMO!
-______
and that was a song lyrics so ya.
seriously, i've already chilled with bill.(inside joke)
to prove im not emo, here are some superb jokes i found online(yes, i should be doing maths):
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
(this joke requires u to think)
Late one night at the insane asylum, an inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
A voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong sasparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm.
The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand dollars."
The two blonds looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head.
The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine. The two nuts made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a knife to claim their trophy.
Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this." Dave replied, "Not now, I'm busy."
Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should look at this."
Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars in my hand."
But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this."
So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand red Indians.
Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh . . . my . . . God . . . we're going to be millionaires!"
A man and a woman were deeply in love. She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.
One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked on his overly cautious, slow driving habits.
"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing."
He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.
He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60, off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties. Now, seeing her naked for the first time, and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car.
He veered off the road, over an embankment and wrapped the car around a tree. His girlfriend was thrown clear, but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas, he was stuck.
"Go up to the road and get help," he said.
"But I haven't anything to cover myself with!" she replied.
The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.
"You'll have to use this to cover it up," he told her as he tossed the shoe.
So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.
Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
"My boyfriend, my boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"
The truck driver, looking down at the shoe between her legs, replies,
"Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid there's no hope for him."
Two ladies went through the custom check point after an oversea trip. Customer Officer found Lady A had seven branded panties in her luggage. When Lady A said the panties were not bought oveaseas, the Customer Officer asked: "Why do you need to bring seven panties on an oveasea trip?"
Lady A replied: "I do not do washing when I am abroad. Don't you know that one week has seven days?" She was let go without having to pay tax. Customer Officer then opened the suitcase of Lady B and found twelve panties. When she insisted that she brought them from home, the Custom Officer asked: "Why do you need to bring twelve panties on an oversea trip?" The offended Lady B replied: "I also do not wash when I travel. Don't you know that one year has twelve months?"
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize that he had lost his cigarettes.
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself. He got out his hammer and flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in.
"Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway."
"Now," she said, "if only I could find my hamster."